Tarnished wings
by Kinky Kat
Summary: Contains spoilers about episode 'Depths'. Nightwing doesn't like the plan, not only because it's risky. The last thing he wants is for Wally to disappear from his life. He's already feeling as if he had lost the privilege to call him his best friend and Wally's coldness isn't exactly helping. Why is he acting like that? / BirdFlash & Spitfire pairings.


"What is with those two?" Kaldur asked quietly when Artemis paused to glance at the retreating backs of Wally and Dick. "Since when they aren't friends? Or is it just my imagination?"

"You know how you once told me their bond is unique?" she whispered and faced him again, "I love Wally and I have been watching him for years now. I know he loves me back… But I also know he loves him, in his own way. And I also know he can be blind and oblivious."

Kaldur hadn't said a word and opened the door which would lead them out of the warehouse.

"I sometimes feel guilty," she added. "I know they have feelings for each other, deeper than any friendship and I still want him for myself."

"Wally choose you, Artemis." There was a trace of longing in Kaldur's voice as they exited the building, "Never forget that."

They kept marching on, their faces calm, as if there was no conversation.

* * *

When he was younger, he had a small wish. He knew the bigger ones – like seeing his dead parents one more time, to tell them he loved them – were impossible. No, what he truly wanted was more simple – to always have someone he could depend on when needed. Someone he trusted, someone who trusted him. Someone he could call a friend.

Bruce and Alfred were family, so was Barbara and Jason and Tim and uncle Richard. Yes, he would have trusted them with his life. Yes, the bat-kids were his siblings and friends alike. But there was always one person very special to him. Despite his own judgment, he always felt drawn to Wally West.

He didn't hesitate to tell him who he really was. He just pulled the damned mask off, stripped from his cape and uniform and revealed who he really was. Exposed his very soul, telling Wally about Hale's circus, how his family died, why he had become Robin, why did it matter to him to be a superhero when he hadn't got any superpowers. He cried in front of the other, yelled at him, got into fights with him. And in the end Wally _always_ smiled.

Dick hadn't seen that smile in years now. Not directed at him.

The moment it hurt the most was when he learned Jason was dead and he was in outer space. He cried and shook with anger – he was still a kid and Jay was almost a baby in his eyes – and Wally was more concerned about his girlfriend, who stayed on Earth. She was okay – she was the one who delivered the news to them – and yet Wally could only smile at her, glad nothing happened, while Miss Martian tried to calm Dick down, via the psychic link.

Wally was always a bit clumsy when it came to relationships – he said the wrong things, angered people with his comments, didn't care enough if the weight of his words would hurt others. He flirted with girls – well not after Artemis claimed him as hers – and as rude to guys. Dick liked to believe he was special, that he was treated differently.

The one who was special, was Artemis.

And truly, Dick didn't, even for a second, blame Wally for having such strong feelings for her. From the very beginning, he was thinking of her as his sister – as someone he could have related to, someone he could trust, despite her background. He wanted to tell her at school that the annoying short guy who stalked her was him. He wanted to train with her under Black Canary's wings, because they were well-matched in combat. He wanted to joke with her and hang out with her because they had similar types of humor.

He was so happy for Wally when they got together. He even managed to give them a date as a present – he reserved a table in one of the Gotham's most fancy restaurants and the bill had been covered by Bruce. Artemis was amused, Wally was stunned and Dick was simply glad he could have done something for them.

Never would he had thought it would backfire at him.

They had just started going out and Dick thought it would be a great idea, to show Wally the picture he took with Artemis when he saw her at his school in Gotham for the first time. He was very excited to see Wally's reaction and grinned to himself many times prior, just imaging it. Would the redhead laugh? Or maybe he would promise to visit Dick at school more often now? Would he make fun of his hair as he usually did? Would he like the way Artemis looked in her school uniform? Dick wanted to know _everything_.

"Dude, that's a nice pic!" Wally exclaimed and Dick beamed at him. He relaxed further into the half-hug Wally was giving him, his arm draped around Dick's shoulders. They were looking at his build-in computer he used for missions and very private stuff which even wasn't monitored by Batman. Before Dick could ask the redhead any question, Wally shook his head and his expression turned serious, wiping the smile off Robin's face. "You can send it to me, but then delete it, okay?"

Dick wondered if it could be seen how his eyes widened despite the domino mask. His mouth moved on its' own accord, as he whispered: "Delete it?"

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend, I don't want you having any pics with her," Wally stated as a matter of fact and frowned, "You have a problem with that, dude?"

Dick wanted to respond he didn't understand what was the harm in it. He wanted to argue that Wally was acting ridiculous and demand him to stop. But they heard Black Canary's voice asking them to come and prepare for a mission and the matter was forgotten for some time. At least it seemed Wally had forgotten about it.

Dick would never, ever, forget that moment.

When Zatanna asked him to be with her, he agreed for more than one reason. Not only because he liked her, but also because he hoped it would put Wally's mind at ease. It didn't help much, it just made them drift further apart. Wally never asked about Robin's love's life and he felt too awkward to ever mention it in a conversation. In the end, when they broke up – but remained friends – not many people knew about it.

Before he even noticed, he started having secrets from Wally. And even though he hadn't kept things to himself deliberately, he could see it was the case for Wally. He told him his thoughts concerning Jason, saying he wanted to pass the mantle of Robin to him. He left out the fact he just wanted to create a new superhero alias. Wally didn't respond to him – just clapped his shoulder and changed the subject. Few days later, he quit the Team and quit being Kid Flash.

It was one of the many punches which went straight into Dick's gut, making him unable to breathe and think and made him hurt all over.

In the middle of it all, he humored the possibility of being with love with him. He never told anyone he sometimes dreamt about Wally and found him attractive – but he also thought so about his other teammates, regardless of gender. At worst, he might have had a crush on Kid Flash. He believed it wasn't anything serious.

And yet when he learned Artemis and Wally would move in together, he spend many nights awake and sought comfort in Barbara's arms. He regretted it afterwards, but it had helped him to come to terms with his own feelings, which wasn't easy. He became Nightwing though, so there was something good in the outcome.

Too bad there was no on and off switch for his feelings.

It had become harder to keep up with each other. Wally was busy with school and Artemis and Dick also was busy with school, being Bruce Wayne's ward and being a hero. There was no time for calls and texting wasn't the same. Even then Dick kept Wally's number on speed-dial.

He rarely used it. Once, when Tula died. Then when they thought of a plan with Kaldur. When they needed to confront Roy. When Bart appeared in Mount Justice. These were the times when Wally actually did pick up. Usually, when Dick called, he hadn't. It didn't stop the brunet from trying. And Wally must have instinctively know when to answer his phone – he was always there in case of an emergency.

Just like now. Right beside him, in the cold weather, at Blüdhaven's bay. And despite the fact they were together, alone for the first time in years, Dick was aware of the invisible wall between them.

'_Erm, dude? What are you doing, giving bling to my dead girlfriend?'_

It was a low joke even for Wally. There was no smile in his eyes, on his lips or in his voice. There was a frown and a judging look, lips curved downwards and there was disapproval, jealousy and distrust behind his tone. Nightwing sighed and faced Artemis, explaining what the necklace was about. But in his mind, he screamed in agony, because Wally was too blind to see such a simple thing. Even though Artemis was special – as a sister, as his _best friend's_ girlfriend – it was Wally who Dick wanted to cherish and keep happy. It was Wally who Dick wanted to spoil rotten, even make lo-

He stopped that train of thought before he wondered about something he would regret. He recalled a different memory, but as fresh.

'_We have a history,' _Dick said with a fake smirk on his face and almost flinched when Wally's elbow bumped his stomach playfully.

'_Dog!' _he teased and it surely supposed to be a compliment, but it wasn't one for Dick.

No, he wasn't _a dog_. No, he didn't really had that much of _a history_ with Zatanna and if only Wally cared enough, he would have known it was a lie. Yes, Z. would do anything for him, but not because they slept with each other. They haven't even reached second base when they were dating!

He watched Artemis and Wally's goodbye with clenched fists and a hard pressure against his chest. When he had to stop them, he felt like the biggest jerk on Earth, even though he knew he wasn't doing anything wrong. Damn, when they kissed, he looked away, wanting to give them at least a bit of privacy. And what did he get?

Another crack in his heart.

'_We're through the hard part. They're in.'_ He tried so hard to control his voice. He was past being weak, controlled by his childishness. He was Nightwing, a protector, the Team's leader. And yet he still wanted nothing more than his friend's approval. His friendship. He wasn't going to have it, not then.

'_Who are you kidding,'_ came the cold reply. _'It only gets more dangerous from here.'_ Narrowed green eyes stared back at him and Dick had to advert his gaze.

Because he was behind the Nightwing mask he allowed Wally to turn from him and start walking away. Because he was Nightwing, he didn't let any of his emotions show on his face. He didn't like the plan. He objected to it from the very beginning and if it wasn't for Kaldur's shout of _'What else can we do to prevent more deaths?'_ he wouldn't allow it to happen. But he shut up and let Kaldur do as he pleased. _'You are not losing a friend,'_ he said with a small but pained smile. _'Kid Flash and Superboy will still be there for you. And you have other teammates now. You won't be alone.'_

The thing was, Dick was. Always alone. Thank God he had Barbara and Tim or he would surely go crazy. He didn't want to think what would happen now, when the entire Team and League thought of Artemis as dead.

Wally wouldn't be his friend anymore. He wasn't his best friend in other way as in 'name' for some time now, but to have their friendship officially over – and because of something which hadn't occurred – it was mind-blowing.

The sudden though made him gasp and he spun around, to see if Wally was still there, behind him, needing him _there_. But he was nowhere to be seen. Dick closed his eyes and touched his temples, feeling the headache pulsing beneath the skin there. His legs didn't shook, but he felt it would be better for him to sit down. In the end he decided against it, preferring to go to his apartment and sleep the fatigue away. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to fall asleep though.

It was the same like five years ago, when he had to went into the room with Black Canary and talk about their bad-scenario simulation. The tears Miss M. shed were still as heartbreaking. He blamed himself as much as back then. The feelings of guilt crashing his shoulders felt as heavy. The only difference was Wally's behavior.

He wasn't standing beside him, his best friend, ready to face death, after going crazy from a loss of a girl he was beginning to love. And back then, Dick wasn't okay about it either. He remembered how hard he tried to keep Artemis safe and alive when the Red siblings attacked Mount Justice. He remembered how fun it was to troll her in Gotham. And then she was gone and he couldn't even mourn, because Wally was already doing a great job on that. Partially – and it was something he would only confess to himself – he could keep moving forward, because the person he cared the most was by his side then. Wally was there, ready to die with him or live with him and he had a mission to accomplish.

Always the priority.

It was the same now. He was going to go back to the Team and lie to them so they wouldn't suspect a thing. Superboy and Miss Martian were there and at least they weren't blaming him as much as the rest. The way Mal looked at him when he said the mission was a complete failure and Artemis was dead would hunt him for some time now.

When he thought about it, he wondered how little he would have to _pretend_ he was crushed by the recent events. First of all, they all knew he was strong enough to pull himself together. Secondly they knew the worst part of it was his and Wally's friendship falling apart because of this. It seemed it was the only real thing in the web of lies.

He pondered for a moment if Batman ever felt like this and snorted at his own thoughts. _Of course he did._

After a minute of standing still, looking at the city beneath, illuminated with dim lights in the night he heaved a sigh. Not thinking about anything, he headed back home, fishing for his mobile. Calling Wally. The other wasn't answering.

"Wally?" he whispered and his voice again felt and sounded broken, like when he was waiting for the others in the warehouse, just a moment earlier. He stopped his run after jumping on one of the rooftops and cursed silently.

They were always best friends. He always believed there was nothing which could come in between them. Yet at some point of time, they did fall apart. Wally wanted a normal life now, together with Artemis. He wanted to propose to her, marry her, have babies with her and happily live the rest of their lives as a normal couple. Dick understood that. He wished Wally had just _that_. Even if the selfish part of him wanted to be in part of Wally's future, an important part.

He didn't understand the coldness. The glares and frowns Wally directed at him. He wished they went away. He missed the lazy smiles and amused glances. Usually when Dick said something about Artemis or the Team, Walls would almost spat at him in response. He knew Wally was simply being protective, Dick was the same when it came to Babs or Timmy, even to the point of arguing with Bruce when the man had different ideas about their training. But Wally seemed as if he was holding a grudge against him.

And Dick had no idea why.

He tried calling again. It wasn't the first time he wondered about his friendship with Wally. But he was on the edge now and needed to know the reasons. KF was still not picking up, so Nightwing bit down his lips and went home.

What else he could do? He already felt as if he lost everything.

* * *

Wally held the mobile close in his both hands, his gloved fingers pressing against it, the back of his wrists against his forehead. He had no idea where he was, the bench he found and sat on wasn't very helpful, but he didn't care.

He only wanted his mobile to stop vibrating.

"Dick, stop calling me," he whispered and for a moment he felt as if he was sixteen all over again. "Stop it, stop it, stop it…"

When it finally ceased the movement, Wally breathed out a sigh, but he wasn't relieved. His shoulders were tense and he wondered if he wanted to cry or to yell in frustration. Or if he wanted to run.

He only knew he couldn't talk to Nightwing. He already felt like a… Well, a dick. He was treating him worse each time they met and he knew Dick noticed, even if he hadn't addressed the matter yet. And Wally wasn't ready for the confrontation, not yet. What would he say?

_Hey dude, you know my girlfriend? Stop being in love with her, thank you very much, how's the team?_

_Hey Wing, listen, I know you have a crush on Artemis and it's cool, you know? But I don't like it. How is Barbara anyway?_

_Hey, Dick… If you weren't so busy trying to figure out how to hide the feelings you have for my girlfriend, you would notice she has only her eyes for me. And I… I love you both. _

_Dick, I love you and I don't know what to do, because I love Artemis and I know you love her and she loves me and you two are like siblings and I'm the worst friend ever and I already want her back and at the same time I miss you so badly that I have to act like a jerk so at least you wouldn't miss me…_

In the end, when he had been already in his bed – the one he had shared with Artemis till now – he settled for a short text message.

'_I don't hate you.'_

He hoped it would do for now.


End file.
